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Voice of the Fox
The Newsletter of the Martial Arts Training Service

The Magic of Aikido
by Susan Lazar
Summer 1997

The protagonists faced one another. The man was very strong, knew karate, and could take on several men at once and win. The woman knew aikido and could "only" defend herself. They stood in a challenge of aggression vs. nonviolence. They were both skilled in their martial arts. The man attacked. The woman stepped aside, made a subtle, simple-looking motion, and the man went flying helplessly. The man continued to attack and he continued to fly. He became exhausted. She stood, relaxed and secure, smiling. Violence had defeated itself. I've wanted to learn aikido ever since I saw that movie.

And now I'm finally doing it.

When I first watched classes and seminars, the movements looked graceful but the effects were baffling. Why were such simple movements making some very balanced, strong-looking people fall? But soon a technique sent me falling, too. Aikido became a slight of hand show. I came to every class as a child goes to a magic show.

Watching and talking about how people learn, I am told by an advanced-level student to "let yourself be a beginner." I start to ask specific questions. The movements are complex. I isolate them to where does my foot go, my arm, at what angle. When it works correctly, I feel just like a child finally figuring out how to get the square peg in the square hole. The aikido movements fit the Earth and gravity, my uke, my self, the mat. I am, for a moment, a graceful magician.

I laugh during aikido. I giggle. I feel silly at first, an adult in pajamas playing a sophisticated game of Twister. The challenge is to try to keep my balance while moving in seemingly impossible ways. As nage, I fall and become my own uke.

Aikido has shown me a better answer to aggression. I am naturally strong. I am the family jar opener, furniture mover. It is not a role I enjoy. I know I can overestimate my strength and get hurt. But aikido shows me strength is not that important; these are: anatomy, physics, ki, blending with and then harmonizing the physical aggression.

An uchideshi and several partners tell me to look, sense, feel for my ki. Finding my ki, my center, is a challenge. I complete a technique as nage and feel myself losing balance. Or I come to class tired and lose balance. I fall before I really have to. I fall cockeyed. I once did an expert forward somersault after one technique.

I notice in the beginning that my balance feels different with different-sized people. So in searching for my ki, I work with different-sized partners. My belt knot is a focus at first. I learn to look for, and to open, an inward physical sense of my body. I close my eyes and open an inward "feel vision." Ki begins as a physical balance.

I hope to become very good in aikido. My soul, my genuine self, seems to strengthen and balance better, slowly, more and more as I continue to practice aikido. My movements in and out of class feel smoother. It is gratifying to progress even a little. But I hope to never lose the sense of magic in the dojo, in watching and participating in aikido.

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